Thrashed and *trying hard* boucing back!

I've been on a long hiatus innit!
Too many testing takes place one after another *sighs*
But I take it as a wake up call...

♠ 27th April 2009 ♠ was a black day
Yup the nite when I blacked out as if I received news that my mom leaving this world
My big fat notty cat woke me up to reality and I was trembled and shaken
I could not believe what I read, and I wish it didn't happen
But what happened cannot be undone and it is by own choice

There were ample time for giving up and come out clean
Guess die die also it will be buried w him
There was a pre-b/up on the day we were supposed to escape and spend quality time
♠ 1st May 2009 ♠ is the day that I talked over and over for 4 hours plus over 12 sticks countless glasses of lemonades and ice waters
I still couldnt get the answer... Instead red face and tears
Why it has to be ruined this way and I just cannot comprehend
Walking back to my car and hoping I could get some answers
Instead he just let me go...

Almost 24 hrs I couldn't contained all the mix emotions struggling and fighting in me
HOW COULD IT HAPPENED?
WHY? OH WHY? OH WHY?
Why it has to be messed up this way
I buzz and agreed to meet the same spot I wasted my breath
But this time w ammo I have been keeping with
Damn it wasn't easy to control my anger? or was it shock? sad and depressed at the same time?
I read out loud trembling and punched his left check with my right fist
Then I know what amok is!
You just couldn't contained your anger hence your body moves faster than your brain

It was a wake up call for me
To do something that I should and leave what I shouldn't
Yeah it opens up my eyes
Let Him write the journey for me and deep down am sure He knows what is best
Only I have to pick up the signs and be wiser!
Insya allah