Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Life is a cycle. Live + Love right.

Last year October marked a deep scar when I lost dearest Ayah, Dy-O :(
I have to redha and insya Allah he is resting in peace dikalangan orang beriman, Amin
It could be a different scenario if I put my family first than work but I did what I had to do and it could be more devastating for me if I was by arwah's side
What am trying to say here I put WORK first!
WRONG Nurul, it may bring the dough home but it means nothing if it affects your harmony be it self and family...
I learned to put aside whatever unfortunate things come around me and moves on
You see, in my life I kinda sacrificed and give the best to people matters to me
In the end sadly it never gets appreciated
Mostly relationship turned sour without me realizing it cos I've always been giving, giving and giving
I have no regret and did my part but for me to tell myself what did I do that they turned their back when I need their support when am not in good shape?
Like they say you can only count good friends with one hand. True.
It's hard to swallow but I've become numb with these people..
Perhaps I was only the positive generator they need and when they expect more I seriously give up!
You can never understand one's behavior cos it can changed anytime! In time!
Those who ignored and willingly deleted themselves from my life I thank god u did that
Those I gave silent treatment and they expect me to still buzz them when they know I wasn't in a perfect shape myself I feel I don't need to please you but myself...
You may lay low too but I've feeling that you still want me in your radar but prefer to just STALK and put a gap as stranger. Hmph...

I remember I told few gfs we will be in deep shit once we declared as best friends... Bff or besties things like tat
Since school days I don't believe in it cos it backfires me in the end
The understanding of best friends rules only takes one side.. ME!
Expectation is high and effort only from ME!
Oh well I prefer to have more close friends than revealing everything to one person
We never know ones intentions later on kan..

Friendship aside even at.... I have been taken for granted
She may have everything in the world but manners and gratitude are none
I knew how she treated those who go against her but with what ever I have extended to make her wish came true was flicked in the drain like a piece of dirt
I jeopardized my relationship, friendship and family for her. In the name of w... Part of my j....
The almighty only open up my eyes recently. I guess I can take as much innit
For someone in forties blessed with 3 beautiful and smart kids this ol brat listens to her gold digging partner and treated me like s***
She didn't realized this person who she treated like s*** is protecting her.. why? Cos the jealousy is there from the very beginning
Not in terms or material but inner self value
I shakes my head and felt pity cos as much as I did to show her the goodness side in life, I can never take the black energy of negativity instilled in her and she let herself surrounded w the same just like her..
Birds of the same feathers flock together
And I don't wanna be part of that
I don't wish anything bad but I always pray that when ever a person hurts me... Let them feel what I've to go thru.
She can sleep on mountains of money but she can never seek that pure sincerity when she keeps on throwing, using, buying love and attention w money
Perhaps when he decides to marry another eloping the same like he did w you, the love is still there for you to hold on
To those idiots kacang lupakan kulit that I have kutip to be in the corporate world may you learn something useful
Back stabbing doesn't take you far and you deserves to be under one fat shelter

Myself and my mommy has been repeatedly tested by almighty.. We take it w pride and hang on to each other and know something better will come along for us!
Our lives may not be lavish but we had great times together as a family and truly blessed w his plans written in our lives :)
Protect us ya Allah and alfatihah to Dy-o. Amin.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

la vie est dure pour moi, mais je vais le faire à travers!

Bonjour from Level 19th
I'm not from my new crib (yet!) but from my new work station at the tower
Love the office here but it's like a giant freezer everyday
I somehow managed to escape myself from the storm madness
After all the effort and beyond measures I've put up this person I realized it will never change
Lack of sensitivity and even an ounce of care is shown I backed out
There are more bigger picture in life than slaving for work
Sometimes I sit down and think that I'm lucky in other way yet can be quite unlucky at work as most of them get intimidated for the wrong reasons *sighs*
But WHY????! or there's a big "PUNCHING BAG" sign on my forehead that allows them to react such way
Am in the wrong choice of line I guess....
Oh well, perhaps one day when I do something on my own for living this thing will just be a tiny piece of history of my life

Where ever I go, with no intention of stepping anyone toes or shine a lil brighter than em it tends to back fire my positivity! What the hey.. Be sincere and positive it will shine thru your spirits subconsciously *wide grins*

I hope the Almighty will protects me and my family always and spare us all from ugly vibes... Amin.

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